I’m reading The Birth Order Book by Kevin Lehman. Here’s a superficial description:
Firstborns: perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list maker, organized, leader, critical, serious, logical
Middle borns: mediator, hidden rebellious streak, compromising, diplomatic, avoids conflict, independent, loyal, has many friends, used to not having attention
Last borns: manipulative, charming, attention seeker, tenacious, people person, natural salesperson, engaging, affectionate, precocious
I am a middle (second out of three girls, with a youngest brother).
I married a middle (second out of three boys, with a youngest sister).
According to Lehman, it is quite possible that I am raising three “functional” firstborns. Boy/girl twins and a girl, five years younger.
He says it is possible the twins could fall into a first/second order, but that is most common when they are the same gender. And that is the full extent of what he says about twins. Then he says that a child born five or more years after the others often takes on firstborn tendencies.
So I’m left to wonder. What is this peace-loving mother to do?
Am I raising three firstborns?
If you are a firstborn, any tips?
What is your birth order?
Do you fit the descriptions?
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I have also read that book, I am a first child and think that I fit more of the middle child characteristics and that my younger sister (the middle child) first more of the first born characteristics..who knows what happened there! as far as my own children, my eldest fits the first born perfectly..not so sure about the other two tho..time will tell!
He talks about how sometimes siblings ‘switch’ places, so to speak. Interesting you notice that in your own family.
My oldest brother and I switched places too. I very much fit the description of the first born. We were were born just 12 months apart (the first two of six kids.) I was taller than he was for the longest time and people always guessed he was younger. I think my parents just didn’t seem to expect as much of him either.
I never thought really about height, but I bet that does play in to it, especially when you are so close in age. Of my twins, my daughter is taller too. I wonder how that will play out, I still can’t peg them down.
I am an oldest, my dad treated my brother who is 2 yrs younger as the oldest. The old school method of boys are more important than girls. I do not know how it affect me long term except it damaged the relationship w/ my brother, my only sibling. I have three kids who are only 4 1/2 yrs apart. They are classic birth order kids. First is the leader. 2nd excels at things first born does not. 3rd is the clown.
That’s an interesting insight – that gender plays into it and the parent’s treatment of boys versus girls. Sad to hear how it affected your relationship with your brother. Do you think your dad was aware of it, or was it more subconscious?
My dad was very aware of what he was doing. So many factors in the relationship with my brother, but my dad did not help.
Thanks for sharing, Sherri. I hope this maybe gives you insight as you parent your own three.
Our first 3 kids (born roughly 3 years apart from each other) TOTALLY fit those birth order descriptions…it’s uncanny. When we were expecting baby #4 we wondered how the new child would fit into the mix, possibly shake things up, redefine roles/personalities of the other kids, etc. We especially wondered what would happen when child #3 lost his status as “the baby” of the family. Now, 4 years later, we essentially have TWO “babies”…although the youngest exhibits more of a combination of all the personality types.
I’m a middle child (older brother and younger sister) and possess both middle child characteristics and first-born…probably because I was the oldest girl. While my husband is technically the baby of his family, he definitely fits the “first-born” description…probably because he was the only boy. Interesting stuff.
As a side note: I went to college with one of Dr. Lehman’s daughters, Krissy. We were in the same freshman class/dorm.
I think I would have guessed that you were a middle. And I can see how Keith would have both first and last leanings. It seems to get more confusing when gender and years between babies comes in, which is why I still don’t quite see where the twins go.
I wonder how Krissy felt being in her dad’s book?! Cool that you know her.
Im the baby in the family, married the peacemaker. Not sure what else to day. not a man of a lot of words. Does that fit with being hte baby?
You are totally the baby. But not in every way I guess. And you totally married the peacemaker.